"Why Aging Matters to Me"
Lessons I Learned for Life (and for the SeniorCare Scholarship)
My graduation ceremonies earlier today have put me in an unusually reflective mood. Even before I walked across that stage just a few hours ago, I have been thinking a lot about the future (for what I can only assume to be understandable reasons). In that spirit, I wanted to send along the following essay. Technically, I wrote it before I was a graduate as part of an application for SeniorCare’s “Aging Matters Scholarship.”
Here it is:
With the COVID-19 pandemic, 4 years almost appeared to merge into one. The same freshman who entered into Providence College during the worst of the coronavirus pandemic is now a graduating senior. I can hardly believe it. And, to be honest, I sometimes wish some of those moments could have lingered just a little bit longer than they did.
I suppose I am starting to experience what many people call “aging.” Once, I was a kid; now, I am an adult. For now, I am in my early 20s; and before you know it, I will be in my late 30s. Life goes on. “All things must pass.” Three years ago, my grandmother was once alive and healthy. Then she passed away. I know she will be the first of many that I will lose over the years.
Perhaps I think about “aging” more than most young people because I am and have been around my grandparents for so long. When you are their caretaker for so many years, you hear a lot of stories about “the old days.” You know, the times when they were kids. Or when they were 20-year-olds just getting married. Or even when they were at the height of their powers in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. When my grandmother was head of NALC Branch 15 and met with storied Senators like Claiborne Pell. Or when my grandmother hosted national union figures at her own home.
I also remember the stories my mother used to tell me. Like when she was 20, and she laughed with her friends about turning 50. A biological marker that once seemed so distant. But it wasn’t so far away after all. I am somewhat afraid something similar will happen to me. If I am going to age, I think naively to myself, at least I will make sure I am not caught off-guard.
Of course, that will be the least of the challenges that come with “aging.” One of them is creeping loneliness. When old friends die—to cancer, to car accidents, and to natural causes. When your sons and daughters move out of the house. When you don’t see your grandsons and granddaughters as often as you once did. It all starts to hit you like a giant barbell.
I have spent a good chunk of my life trying to prevent my grandparents from experiencing the worst of that. Now obviously, I cannot turn the clock back, nor can I bring their old friends back to life. Though I hope that I have done what it was within my power to do. During the COVID-19 pandemic, for example, my family and I knew that many other grandkids did not get to see their grandparents for months and years at a time. Very early on, however, we all resolved to make all of the sacrifices necessary to prevent us from doing the same. It was definitely not easy, and my brother and I alike certainly missed out on a lot of typical college experiences. Yet was the sacrifice worth it? Absolutely.
Why? Because, first of all, "do unto others as you would like them to do unto you." When I grow older, I hope my family will make those same sacrifices for me. “You reap what you sow,” and you do not reap what you do not sow. But secondly because I could see the joy on their faces. I could see the difference I was making in every laugh we shared together, and in every task I made easier with my help. At certain points, it was hard to leave. My grandmother would constantly ask me to help her with "just one more thing." My grandfather would ask me to look up "just one more thing."
That is what we are all looking for. “Just one more thing.” No one can live without some kind of constant loyal companionship. Loneliness is truly a deadly epidemic. And—if only in my own little way—I can do something to combat that epidemic, I consider my time on this Earth well-spent.
I also consider the time I spent creating new memories with my grandparents well-spent. The Chinese dinners, the birthday cakes, the little quiet celebrations that make life really worth living. As the band Toto once said, "time passes quickly, and chances are few." Life, for better or worse, is something that comes without freeze frames and second takes.
In other words, I say, "forget aging to your own peril." We all age, and we will all die. “To everything there is a season,” and a time when we ourselves will be out of season (cf. Ecclesiastes 3:1). Remember all this "in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach" when your hour is at hand (Ecclesiastes 12:1). "Before the sun...and the moon and the stars grow dark” (Ecclesiastes 12:2), be the one who lights up the lives of others.
